Guys, I am PUMPED up! Last week, ya’ll loved my blog post about healthy communication in your relationship and I am SO excited to dive into another important topic you guys asked about: Goal setting. Individually. Together. The whole sha-bang! Now before we dive into goal setting with your partner, I want to first clarify a few important things!
- I will NEVER, and I mean this, never come at you guys looking like I have all the answers. Cause I don’t. Promise! I’m just really excited about topics that strengthen relationships and will only ever tell you what’s worked for me or what I’ve heard work for others.
- Most relationship work, I have found, first starts with the individual. Yep, that means you! You gotta do the soul searching, loving on yourself stuff – first, foremost and always. You’re freaking incredible! And strong, healthy relationships are created when two individuals love themselves wholly as well as the other person.
- I’m coming from a place today as a highly ambitious person who dates another highly ambitious person. We all get into places where we need a kick in the butt, motivationally speaking, but I want to be honest here – I’ve got big dreams for my life and so does Frank. We’re on the same page there. So for us, it’s a matter of breaking down our dreams individually as well as together and figuring out how to achieve them. But I know if there’s a different topic you want me to chat about concerning other types of relationships – I’m happy to do the digging, research and interviewing to help you create the best relationship you can. But I’m speaking from experience here, cause that’s all I can do!
Okay! Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to the good stuff, shall we?
Goal setting with your partner can be a huge topic! I actually FaceTimed my friend today and we chatted about relationships and goal setting for 45 minutes. Ya’ll, there is a LOT we can chat about and there’s a lot of different angles we can take. But for today, I’m going to chat about how we can chase our individual goals, while also supporting our partner’s goals AND have goals as a couple, too.
I know, it’s a lot. But here we go.
#1: Do the dirty work
I’m all for a catchy title, but it’s real. As with note #2 above, most relationship work starts with ourselves. We know this, right guys? So to even start thinking about goal setting with ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, we gotta figure out the life we want for ourselves.
My favorite way to do this is to write it down. Errrryy day. In my Start Today Journal.
But there’s a ton of ways you can do this! The main thing to hold onto here is – be as specific as you can. Whether you leave a voice memo in your phone, write it down, create a Pinterest vision board, tape magazine clippings together – whatever it is! Be so SPECIFIC! Find out what it is that YOU want for your life. What job do you want to have? Where do you want to live? Walk through a day of your life in the best version of YOU!
Need extra motivation here? Listen to episode 72 on Rachel Hollis’ RISE podcast to get you started.
#2: The “C” word
You guys know its coming – this is the part where you COMMUNICATE with your partner. Have they mapped out the goals for their life? What do they want to accomplish?
Some ways to bring this up:
- If you’re a light and breezy kind of person, play into your strength here when bringing up a big topic. Say things like “Hey, wanna play a game? What does your life look like in 5 years? 10 years?” (This is the part where I’m assuming you’re in a serious relationship and the whole talking about 5 years down the line doesn’t scare them lol)
- If the words “light and breezy” just made you nauseous, don’t worry. That’s not me either! Key words here again – focus on your strength. Say things like “This topic is important to me. Can we chat about it?” Guys, your partner wants the best for you, just as you do for them. Hearing the words, “this is important to me” is sure to get them listening and ready for your conversation.
The main goal here is to start talking about what you both want your lives to look like. Talk about your big audacious dreams – the bigger the better. And no matter what goals come out of your partner’s mouth – encourage them. Nothings worse than finally feeling brave enough to say you want to start your own company and then have the one person you love the most laugh at ya. So don’t do that. Communicate and encourage. Communicate and encourage.
#3. It’s you and me, baby!
Now that you’ve both mapped out your individual goals. Try broaching the subject to talk about your goals as a couple. Frank and I’s favorite way to do this is to write them down. At the beginning of this year, we actually wrote down all of his individual goals, all of my individual goals and then ALL the goals we had for our relationship.
What does that look like, you ask?
Here’s some prompts:
- Maybe it’s a financial goal you have for each other. Want to buy a house soon? Want to save up for that awesome vacation? Write it down.
- Maybe it’s a family goal! Do you want kids? Do you want to make sure to spend all the holidays with your fam? Write it down. Make it priority.
- Set communication goals, too! How do you want to speak to each other? How do you prefer to solve conflict? Promise to always say I love you. Promise to encourage each other’s dreams. Yes, make THAT a goal. And of course, write it down.
#4: What’s next?
The best thing about goal setting with your partner is that it gives you an accountability buddy – or an accountabilibuddy as my friend and I joked during our FaceTime today. But seriously, now that you guys have mapped out your goals, check in with each other.
And this doesn’t have to be a high and mighty, “WHERE ARE YOU ON THAT PROJECT YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO ACHIEVE?” It can be as simple as, “hey did you get your workout in today?” Or “Did you start researching that topic you were looking into?”
Share your progress. Celebrate your wins. And when you haven’t quite hit your mark, talk about ways to be better next time.
Truth be told, there’s two hard moments when goal setting with your partner. The first, starting the conversation. But go for it, seriously. I’m one of those audacious dreamers that believes she can have everything she wants if she works for it. And I believe that for your relationship too. And second? Be consistent. I write down the goals I have for my life basically every day. And I say basically because some Saturdays I sleep in and forget. It’s not a great excuse, but I’m going to be honest with you – I said that from the start!
Tips for consistency:
- Set an alarm in your phone to reread and rewrite your goals! Or integrate it into your daily schedule! For me? I like doing this when I first wake up with a cup of coffee!
- Talk about them. I know this sounds silly, but I’m serious. Once you goal set with your partner, talk about them. A lot. Ask each other for advice on certain tasks. Work with each other to break down big goals into bite size, manageable chunks.
- Support each other. We feel more inclined to go for that run when a friend says she’ll tag along, right? Same goes for these goals. Support your partner and they’ll support you in return.
And that’s a wrap, friends! Goal setting with your partner can be such a huge topic and I’d love to hear your thoughts! Drop a comment below or send me a note on the ‘gram! Can’t wait to hear what you and your babe accomplish after this one 😉