Can I be honest? One of my favorite things about my relationship is how well Frank and I communicate with each other. Relationships are no light work, and if you’re in one – you know! It takes time, effort, and a lot of teamwork to figure out how to communicate best with your partner. So today I’m sharing some of my best communication tips for a healthy relationship with your love!
1. Determine Your Love Language
I’m going to shamelessly plug Audra and I’s podcast here because we did an AWESOME episode all about the Five Love Languages over on The Live Fearlessly Podcast last week. So if you haven’t checked it out, now’s a great time to do so!
For a little background info, the love languages were created by marriage counselor, Gary Chapman, and he stated that just like people come in different shapes and sizes, so to does their way of giving and receiving love. Knowing the way you prefer to be loved is HUGE for so many reasons on so many levels. It helps both you and your significant other manage your efforts, represent love in a way that feels meaningful to each of you, and just helps ya stay on the same page overall. To dive a bit deeper, be sure to listen to our podcast about it, take this quiz or purchase the book written by the founder himself linked here!
2. Use “I Feel” Statements
You’re entitled to feel what you feel. 100%. No one can ever tell you that you don’t feel something or that you should feel otherwise. You feel what you feel and that is always okay. Using “I feel” statements really help when you’re feeling a little less than appreciated and can avoid large blow-out fights!
An “I feel” statement can look like this – I felt lonely when you didn’t come home for dinner, or I felt upset when you didn’t come to see my family this weekend. Whatever it is! Using “I feel” statements avoids placing the blame directly on one person and instead, shares how the actions made you feel. When you use “I feel” statements, you take ownership and responsibility of what you’re feeling and are able to address the actions that occurred, instead of attacking the other person. The opposite of an “I feel” statement is a “you” statement such as, You are such a slob! Or You always forget important dates! These are derogatory, accusatory and honestly, will probably will lead to a much larger argument.
This communication tip for your relationship is super helpful when you’re looking to have an effective conversation about something that’s bugging you and allows you to avoid a big argument!
Need more help on this one? Check out this Tony Robbins article about it!
3. Avoid using the phrase “never” or “always” in an argument
It’s just not fair. Or true. So its better to just avoid it altogether. Trust me on this one!
4. Be Honest.
Be honest – even, ESPECIALLY, when it’s hard. Not feeling like yourself? Taking work anger out on your SO? Whatever it is, tell them the meaning behind it. They can’t read your mind any more than you can read theirs. Be open and honest with each other, always. Your babe is your best friend. You can share anything with them.
This communication tip for your relationship doesn’t have to come wrapped in a scary bow. Being honest is like any muscle – it gets easier with time and practice. You’ve got to flex it a little for it to grow. So if your first instinct is to give your babe the silent treatment when they did something to upset you, try to be honest instead, and just tell them how you feel. You want this relationship to work, right? Don’t play any games.
5. Date Nights
These are my fave! No matter how busy life gets, keep on scheduling a date night with your honey! Date Nights are special – you get to dress up a lil and have some alone time. Even right now when the world is a bit crazy, I challenge you to schedule an at home date night! Make it a little different than all the other nights at your apartment together and if you need some ideas – head on over to my at-home date ideas blog post! And please, for the love of all that is holy – please try to keep your date nights as unplugged as possible! There’s nothing worse than looking over the table at someone on their phones. We’ve all been there, we know this, so just…be considerate.
6. Make Little Moments Special
I’m separating this from date nights on purpose, you guys. Keep making little moments special throughout the week and trust me, it’ll go a longggg way! This can look like treating your SO to coffee in bed, doing a load of laundry, picking up your babe’s fave ice cream to have after dinner or even picking up some flowers to brighten up the apartment. BONUS points if you know you’re partner’s love language and can tailor these special moments to what they appreciate the most!
7. Pay Attention to Body Language
55% of communication is nonverbal. That’s MORE THAN HALF! Tuning into your partner’s body language, whether they’re excited, nervous, anxious or otherwise, can help you to communicate effectively. And once you pick up on some of their nonverbal clues, try to encourage the conversation – verbally! You notice that they’re slouching a bit at their desk? Ask them if everything’s okay with work and if there’s anything you can do to help. Be observant and then, make sure you’re approaching the subject with compassion.
And there you have it! Were these communication tips helpful? Do you and your significant other already do some of these?